blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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