You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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