OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
