You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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