his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
