Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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