I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
