I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
