There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
