i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
