Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
