i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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