Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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