we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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