I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
