once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish you could order shots online.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
