at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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