last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
