My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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