were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
