capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
