people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
