Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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