no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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