At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
