I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
