Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
