I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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