hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
