after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
