My first STD was from a foam party
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
