i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
