I'm so fucking centered right now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
