the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
