Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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