just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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