ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
