remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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