I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
