worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
