the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
