so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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