Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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