I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
