I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize