I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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