I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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