sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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