I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
