Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
