what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
