Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
