It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
