Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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