I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Mom said you looked used
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
