If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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