i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
