don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
