Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he thought i was a dude.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
